Honest talk about all this madness

It’s the sixth week of quarantine here in Lithuania.

Up until now, I believed that I’m an complete introvert and that staying at home almost all the time would be my dream come true.

Well, I was wrong.

I’m going nuts.

Working and living in the same place, not being able to meet with my friends and parents, not being able to go for a walk without trying to avoid other people, going to cafes, library, and all the other casual places, and not being able to travel…

I feel terrible.

Even though my rational mind reminds me every day that it’s all okay, none of my friends or family members are sick, I’m living with the most caring boyfriend ever, we have our own home, jobs, we have fun and there’s nothing to worry about. All we need to do is to stay at home and stay safe.

But god, that’s driving me crazy.

Whenever I’m not working, I’m looking for something valuable to do.

To study, write my Master thesis, clean home, take care of things that I’ve been postponing, do something that makes me happy.

But all that feels so useless… It’s like I have no purpose anymore.

The thing is, I’m a planner.

I plan every thing all the time.

And I had this year planned. It was supposed to be one of the most exciting years so far. And the key to this excitement was lots of travels.

Now, it’s all gone.

And I know, I know that it’s just how it has to be. That we simply need to wait and maybe not to go abroad this year, but we’ll be able to do all that the next year.

However, I’m feeling incredibly sad. Whenever I finish what I was doing, my minds get back to all those dreams and plans that I had, then I remember they’re not possible anymore and I just want to cry. So I go to bed and try to sleep instead of crying.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I’m fed up with all this perfect online world, showing only the best of it but staying silent about what do not go our way.

I just want to be honest with you and myself. Take things as they are and try to make them better but not to pretend they don’t exist.

To cope with all this insanity, I’m trying lots of different things. The other day, when I was incredibly sad, my love prepared me a hot calming bath and I started reading Little Women book which I’ve never read before.

The bath and the book were amazing… Especially the book, it kept me entertained for four or five days. Lovely story about how we should appreciate what we have now – exactly what I needed. Such an easy read with lots of life lessons that bring us down to earth and reminds of what truly matters. Loved that book so much.

Also, I’m learning new languages on Duolingo app. Started with German on the second week on quarantine, then added Spanish last week, and now I’m thinking of trying French, Russian and Italian. I chose German language completely out of the blue but I really enjoy learning it. Spanish seems like a very simple and intuitive language so I’m using it just to earn more points so I could keep up on top of the league (that’s a pretty competitive learning). Well, and I always liked listening to Italian so maybe will give it a try. Well, and as of French and Russian, I’ve been learning these while at school so have the basics but forgot most of what I knew.

Besides all that, our home is getting more neat and cozy every week, thanks for Ikea which is open online.

And writing it all also helps a lot. Writing is for sure one of the best therapy I have now.

However, if you’re feeling shitty, stay strong, get in touch with me Instagram or do something what will make you happy.

I believe, that we must let ourselves feel what we feel, let it out, and then keep on going. Other way, it just gets worse.

This period is challenging for many people but we all must remember, that sooner or later this will end and we’ll be able to live to the fullest again.

Thank you for listening, take care of yourself!

P.s. And seriously, write me a message on Instagram if you’d like to chat.