I feel strange and a bit unsure whether I should write about this or not but at the same time, I believe it’s the right thing to do.
For the past two and a half years I was working my dream job with the most wonderful colleagues but I lost my passion.
It happened around a year ago when I started feeling different about my job and wasn’t sure if this is the place for me to be.
After a few months of hesitations, I decided to quit in January. But I got afraid of going nowhere and found reasons to stay. Maybe it was a good decision to stay at that time, but that strange feeling didn’t leave me.
A few more months passed and again, I made a decision to quit. But then the quarantine started and I thought I shouldn’t leave my team at such a difficult time.
But as time went by and I kept working, I felt worse and worse every week. I didn’t see my purpose anymore nor felt interested or motivated longer than for a couple of days.
Until I made a decision to stop all this nonsense.
My birthday gift for myself was telling my colleagues that this is it, I quit.
I was postponing this for almost two weeks because I was afraid of something. What something? I don’t know… Probably of being unemployed, financially insecure, and afraid of the future which is completely unpredictable right now.
Gladly, I did it.
I gave my notice and there are no words that describe how incredibly good it felt. I was finally free! Free of the job I didn’t like anymore, free of my hesitations and doubtful thoughts that lasted around one full year, and literally free to do whatever I want.
But why are we actually afraid to quit our jobs? Especially if we don’t have another one waiting for us and simply want to take some time for ourselves?
I’ve talked with a bunch of friends and family members about it. We all are afraid of insecurity the future may hold. No one knows how long it may take for us to get a new job nor if it will be better than the previous one. The fear is even stronger for those, who have financial commitments such as mortgage. Kids and elder age are other factors that make the fear even stronger.
However, my financial commitments are minimal, I don’t have kids that I have to provide for, I am young ambitious professional who feels quite secure about finding a new job that I’ll love, I have a family who supports my decision, yet I still was so afraid that it took me a year to make the final decision to quit.
And the true reason for that is that no matter how confident I am, I am also afraid of not finding a new job for too long. And also of telling others that I don’t have a job. Actually, this is the most terrifying.
Whenever I meet with my relatives or people that aren’t very close to me, a job is always a topic we talk about. The questions “What’s your job?” is like a conversation starter. And I am terrified of getting asked this question. I am afraid to say “I don’t have a job”.
I understand that most of those people probably don’t care whether I do or don’t have a job, it’s all in my head. But my head is programmed with the attitude that not having a job is bad.
And this is not only how I feel like but many other people too.
We care more about what others will think of us and sacrifice our own wellbeing.
If you also feel like you need a break but are afraid to quit, let me tell you this.
For me, the first morning as an unemployed person was amazing.
I got free of my destructive thoughts and time became all mine. I can now do whatever I want whenever I want and however I want. Feeling sleepy? I go to bed and sleep. Wanting to go to the seaside? That’s what I do. Wanting to learn how to play chess? I have all day and more if I want that.
I’m not going to waste my time sleeping, eating and watching Netflix for a few months. But if I need to rest in the middle of the week or go to an unplanned adventure, I’m all in!
I feel free.
And this is exactly what I needed.
Right now, my plan is to spend a couple of months doing whatever the heck I want and only then start looking for a new job.
Same as most people, I was incredibly afraid to quit my job but it was the best decision I could make. I have no idea what the future holds but I’m sure it’s gonna be exciting.